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Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen, by Candice Watters
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Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything�a woman who has never been married�can do to make marriage more likely?�Candice Watters gives women permission to want Christian marriage, encourages them to believe it's possible, and supplies the tools to get there despite our post-marriage culture.�Get Married�includes the author's personal journey from singleness to marriage as well as a biblical perspective on marriage. It�shows how living intentionally is the key to marrying well.�Get Married�is a fresh and hopeful perspective that empowers�single�women to pray�not only�for their friends, parents, and churches, but the�men who are (or could be) part of their lives.
- Sales Rank: #359830 in Books
- Published on: 2008-01-01
- Released on: 2008-01-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .56" w x 5.50" l, .45 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Review
Candice Watters cuts through the superficial veneer of politically correct thinking to arrive at the bed-rock wisdom of biblical truth: marriage is an honorable pursuit, worthy of our earnest intentions and fervent respect.� Get Married is forceful, persuasive, and a must-read for today’s Christian single.
-Gary Thomas, Author, Sacred Marriage
Get Married not only brings healing and renewal to the Christian single confused by Scriptural misinformation, it offers them practical advice to get to the altar.� I am convinced that this book will play a vital role in unshackling this generation from the spiritual oppression that keeps them from forming godly marriages and godly seed.
-Debbie Maken, Author, Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness
I have hired and worked with hundreds of single women over the years, and I am particularly sensitive to their "plight."� Single men do not pursue women for the purpose of marriage and family, thanks to the feminist movement, which dealt a near fatal blow to the institution of marriage in the past three decades.� Single women have been embarrassed to express what they really want to do with their lives--get married and have a family instead of pursuing a professional career or "playing house" with a guy who has no interest in being a husband or father.� Marriage is a gift of God to His creation!� I salute Candice Watters for this wonderful book and the message it contains.
-Diane Passno, Sr. Vice President, Focus on the Family and Author, Feminism: Mystique or Mistake?
A hopeful and empowering message for Christian women.
-Danielle Crittenden, Author, What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us, Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman
From the Back Cover
Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything a woman who has never been married can do to make marriage more likely? Candice Watters gives women permission to want Christian marriage, encourages them to believe it's possible, and supplies the tools to get there despite our post-marriage culture.
Get Married includes the author's personal journey from singleness to marriage as well as a biblical perspective on marriage. It shows how living intentionally is the key to marrying well. Get Married is a fresh and hopeful perspective that empowers single women to pray not only for their friends, parents, and churches—but the men who are (or could be) part of their lives.
About the Author
STEVE and CANDICE WATTERS met at Regent University while earning Master�s Degrees in Public Policy. Marrying shortly after graduation, they moved to Colorado to work at Focus on the Family. Steve grew up in Washington, NC and Candice grew up in Toledo, OH and so the West was a great place to help them leave and cleave.Today, the Watterses live in Louisville, KY where Steve serves as vice president for communications at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is also working on his M.A. in family discipleship. Steve and Candice speak, write and feed their blog, www.FamilyMaking.com, as they're able.They spend a lot of our time enjoying, guiding, serving and being stretched by their four children: Harrison, Zoe, Churchill and Teddy.The Watterses founded Boundless.org webzine for Focus in 1998. Candice served as the Boundless editor for four years until leaving in 2002 to be a full-time mom, doing a little freelance writing and editing on the side. Candice is the author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen (Moody, 2008). Together Steve and Candice wrote Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies (Moody, 2009).
Most helpful customer reviews
110 of 124 people found the following review helpful.
I wish I didn't buy this book--weak scriptural basis and faulty conclusions
By LAH
I bought the book wanting to like it. The message that as single women we should be praying and trusting God to give us the desires of our hearts is a beautiful and scriptural one. Yet I found her argument that God has created marriage for basically everyone who wants it to be simplistic and weakly based in scripture. In defending marriage as part of God's plan, I felt Watters lifts marriage up to almost the same level as God's plan to be in relationship with us. Yes, marriage is a beautiful thing and a blessing from God, but there is no biblical basis that everyone who wants to be married is going to get married. In fact, there are many examples in the Bible of people not getting the thing they prayed for and going through very difficult situations. But we also see God redeeming those situations (e.g., Joseph being wrongly sold into slavery by his brothers, but God uses that for Joseph to be in position to save all of Israel during the famine). God hears our prayers and answers them, but often not in the ways we expect--and that includes marriage.
Furthermore, I think it is unscriptural and dangerous for Watters to say that "the notion [that marriage can become an idol] has been blown out of proportion" (p. 47). An idol is anything that becomes more important to your heart over God, and that includes good things (like marriage, a job, family) that you make into an ultimate thing. I agree with Watters that desire for marriage is not a sin and is a good thing. But I know that God has convicted me in addition to many of my godly single friends of ways that our hearts have twisted that desire into an idol, believing our future husbands will fill all our relational needs and affirm us in ways that only God can. I am concerned that women who are similarly being convicted by God will read this book and feel justified in their unhealthy desire for marriage, a desire that has twisted a good thing into the ultimate thing that they have to have to be happy.
In addition, Watters appears to limit her view of singleness to a few statistics and her own experiences as a single woman. I disagree with Watters emphasizing that singleness can lead to idleness, a point she draws from 1 Timothy 5:13-14. This conclusion overstates Paul's concern of single people being idle, and she seems to brush aside Paul's words affirming the blessing of singleness in 1 Corinthians. To support her weak exegesis, Watters sets up a dichotomy between her single life (where she sipped lattes at Borders, didn't spend that much time involved in ministry, and struggled to have discipline over her waistline, fitness, and budget) and married life (where she became more disciplined in her spiritual life, diet, fitness, and budget, and became more involved in ministry). In contrast, I have found my singleness has given me tremendous opportunities to focus on God--praying a lot, serving in the church and spending time ministering to people in ways I likely wouldn't be able to as a married woman. Also, God has taught me many lessons about putting God over food, staying fit, and being a good steward with my budget. That is not to say that my experience is true for all single women, but I'm also not writing a book where I'm overgeneralizing my experiences to all single women.
2 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
and her husband's version of how the Lord brought them together nicely complemented her story
By Owen Crew
A very readable book that presents a compelling perspective on the importance of marriage and the need for most single people to seek it. As an unmarried guy, I can definitely agree with what she says about the challenges guys face in the community and in their own hearts and minds as we live in a post-marriage culture. The book was helpful for me in teaching me more both about how single Christian women do approach relationships leading to marriage and about how they should approach them.
Mrs. Watters shares a wealth of personal experience and resources in this book, and her husband's version of how the Lord brought them together nicely complemented her story. The Q and A section at the end helpfully addresses a lot of questions that may be on the minds of young ladies and in some cases of young men as well. Through a combination of narrative, Biblical exposition, and practical application, the book addresses the subject of marriage and how young women should approach it. She puts marriage in the context of God's design, of an increasingly confused and hostile culture, and of the condition of single men and women as fallen yet objects of God's redeeming grace.
This book will be particularly helpful for singles who are unsure what their desire and expectation should be regarding the prospect of marriage. It argues for humbly yet confidently praying and working for marriage, both before and after you have a specific person in mind. It gives some good perspective on how God answers prayer and what kind of prayer He answers, both in this particular area and in other areas. Mrs. Watters' evaluation of the caution not to make marriage an idol is startling and, I think, brilliant: she says that while this is technically possible, it is more likely in our society that marriage is not considered important enough.
I should present a word of caution: this book is written from a courtship perspective. If you are not in that school of thought (as I am not), there may be some advice on the details of parental involvement and on the dynamics of a relationship leading to marriage that you will not agree with. You will want to read those parts with discernment, looking for what you can keep, but being aware of the different view presented. She does not labor this distinctive perspective, so it should not significantly detract from the reader's enjoyment and profit.
Another thing to be aware of is that this book is written in an ecumenical spirit. I don't know whether I was right to feel this way, but I was particularly irritated to see the arch-enemy of the Reformation, Francis De Sales, quoted as an authority on marriage early in the book. This is just one example of the wide variety of people set forth as advisers and examples on marriage and pre-marital relationships. If you keep in mind that this is not a book on theology or church history, that fact will help explain the way some of these people's lives and teachings are used.
This is a book for women about helping marriage happen. The author rightly stresses that there is much that women can do in this area, and that few women realize how much they can and should do. She also, however, points out the difference between helping something happen and making it happen. It is the difference between becoming a good follower and stepping into the role of leader. The discussion of Ruth is illuminating, while it also reveals the book's distinctively courtship-based approach. Regardless of how the reader views that issue, thoughtful Christians should find something refreshing in the way that she describes the roles and dignity of men and women.
I would also recommend this book for older couples to read as they consider how they can best help and guide young singles, both men and women. Parents and mentors have an active role to play in the lives of young people, and this book is a good resource.
32 of 38 people found the following review helpful.
It worked for me!!
By Callie
I am engaged- in part due to the wisdom that Candice Watter's presented on the webzine [...]. This book was released after he asked, and I said "yes!" but many of Watters' articles have been so strongly influential in the direction my life has taken that I wanted to own a copy of her book out of support of her ministry, to further my love and desire for marriage, and in expectation that it is sure to be as source of wisdom in counseling other woman. My goodness, were my expectations correct! It was such a great read that I finished it, cover to cover, in a matter of hours.
Candice Watters' wisdom walks through cultural perceptions in and outside the church of singleness and marriage and how our current "postmarriage" society is inhibiting the creation of fertile communities for bringing marriage about, but she doesn't leave it with a critique. Watters further procedes to offers practical lifestyle changes woman can make to help bring marriage into their lives. She wisely discussing both God's Sovereignty and free will, emphasizing that turning a desire for marriage into reality requires both God's matchmaking abilities and wisdom on the part of woman. In her confrontation of the common church statement that a desire of marriage is "idolatrous," Watters states, "Not only is it unlikely that a godly woman's desire for biblical marriage would become an idol, biblical marriage is often the antidote to much of the idolatry -- 'sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed'-- that plagues our culture." (p.50) Before you qualify her thought on this matter, take some time to read her biblical backing. Whether you agree or disagree, its sure to make you think!
As for her route for becoming a bride, Watters emphasizes the basics, a strong and passionate relationship with the Lord, a life of prayer and bible study, becoming part of a multigenerational church community and finding a mentor. If you're interested in her creative specifics, you'll have to read it for yourself!
Besides her witty discussions of pop-culture and vulnerability in sharing her own marriage story, my interest in Watters comes from her indirect influence on my life. I implemented her wisdom, and it worked for me!
I committed to being part of a multigenerational church community, rather than just a singles group or college ministry, and developed an amazing relationship with a mentor. Watters advocates both of these ideas in her articles and her book as a means for growing in your relationship with the Lord, learning about the qualities necessary for marriage, finding a mate through a social network of elders, and developing a relationship under their guidance and accountability. Sure enough this is how it would happen for me. Through spending time with my mentor, she noticed that my character, calling and interests would be a good match for her very own son! Through prayer and sensitivity to the the Spirit, the Lord revealed to me that my mentor's insight was more than just her opinion, it was indeed His will. Here we are, less than a year later, in love and engaged. So much of our story was able to take place because of the influence of the truths that Candice Watters presents in her writings. She passed on truth to me that positioned my heart in such a way to truly receive the Lord's fullest blessings.
Many of the seeds Candice Watters has sown through her Love for the Lord and His plan for marriage have reaped a harvest of sweet fruit in my life. I'd feel like I was robbing each of you of blessing by not recommending her book. ;) Its an excellent read for anyone who desires marriage and feels paralyzed by circumstances, or those of you who like a good sociological critique. Be prepared to be challenged! And be prepared to see your hearts desires fulfilled!
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